Moogujind Morrow was host for three years of Catholic Faith Alive! A way that leads to true, lifelong happiness This is the first revision of the book which was originally published in Morrow is founder of the St. Catherine Society and St. Revised Edition 2nd Edition. After reading it I started to implement worlr in my dating habits. Morrow graduated from St.
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Thomas G. Morrow, S. In fact, there are several meanings of love in the English language, for which the Greeks had four different words. The second, philia, is friendship, sometimes called brotherly love. The fourth, eros, is emotional love. Lewis wrote a classic explanation of these four dynamics of love, entitled oddly enough The Four Loves.
I will use some of his ideas as a starting point herein. It is a tenderness, a gentle caring for someone. We all seem to have a need for affection: to receive a tender look, a touch, a certain intimacy: a mother from her child, and vice versa; a wife from her husband; a girl from her best friend. At the right place and time, an affectionate touch is a beautiful way to communicate love, perhaps the only way. Affection is expressed in many ways: a hug; a tender kiss on the lips, the cheek, or forehead; a tender smile; a gentle touch on the arm, the hand, the hair.
It seems that good, selfless, chaste affection has been a casualty in our over-sexed world. Many have lost the art of affection. Years ago Ann Landers took a survey of her married women readers, asking whether they would prefer to be "cuddled" or to have "the act. Often women come in to speak to me and say "Father, my husband is an animal. All he wants to do is have sex. When a man has sex with his woman before marriage, he often sees kissing and touching as merely an introduction to sexual intercourse.
You need to help him realize the great importance of affection in a good marriage. You must sit down with him and tell him you need to be able to touch him, to hug him, to be kissed by him often, without any sexual activity. And, you may have to tell him this, patiently, without nagging, several times. It should be learned well during courtship.
So often, when chastity is discussed in a religious context, the sharing of affection is barely covered. But, because affection is such a valuable thing, more should be said. One young man about 30 years old called me after one of our "Christian Dating in An Oversexed World" seminars, and asked, "Well, father, what should I do to tell my sweetheart goodnight?
I told him, "Well, you might put your hand to her face and move forward ever-so-slowly, and gently kiss her once Then give her a big, slow hug, pressing your cheek against hers and feeling the warmth as a way of proclaiming your real warm feelings for her. The sexual revolution has messed things up so royally that we need to do a lot of rebuilding in areas that used to be taken for granted. Is there more to romantic affection than just a goodnight kiss? If a couple has been going out for a while, he might give her a brief, but tender kiss on the cheek, and a hug when he comes to pick her up.
He might kiss her hand from time to time. He might touch her face on occasion. He holds her hand when they walk. He puts his arm around her shoulder at times, or he touches her hair. He holds her hands for a minute or two at dinner.
Slow, gentle hugs are always a joy. She should be able to show affection to him as well, especially if he has given her reason to be confident in his love for her. In the car she might put her head on his shoulder while waiting for a red light.
Another possibility would be to take his hand and put it around her waist, or just put her arm in his, and lean lightly against him, as they walk along. There is another delightful way to share affection. She sits on the couch and he lies next to her with his head in her lap.
Then they can talk the night away as he holds or plays with her hand. It is in such situations that a man and woman will have the opportunity to develop real spiritual intimacy, which is so essential to a good marriage.
One little thing to remember in sharing affection: Moving slowly is usually indicative of giving, of honoring and serving the beloved; moving more rapidly or touching more intensely is usually indicative of seeking, of pleasing and serving the self. This should pretty much be the extent of physical expressions of love in courtship. Imagine how spiritually and psychologically healthy courtship would be if this were the accepted norm for sharing affection with your sweetheart.
Imagine what a great preparation for marriage this would be. Now, for some, this may be a big step back. Many people who have taken it, have been glad they did. When I was in college a group of us would occasionally go out for ice cream. We could just barely finish it. Nowadays, when we detect something is pleasurable, we tend to want to have our fill of it, to be completely sated with it.
So, if we like to ski, we become "avid skiers," or if we like tennis, we become "tennis addicts. That, of course, is not the Christian way. When a true Christian enjoys something, he just enjoys it, and tries not to become "attached.
This is why St. Francis of Assisi would only see St. It was only when Teresa of Avila gave up her attachment to the world that she started to do great things for the Church. The Christian approach to pleasure is to delight in it for the moment, and then forget about it. What a blessing it is to be able to enjoy the little tastes of joy in life, seeing in them a small whisper of the joy of heaven, without having to be a slave to them, even in a small way.
In other words, the real Christian can be satisfied with little pleasures, whether in food, or drink, or a goodnight kiss, or even the joy of friendship, without insisting on having more, more, more.
The place of complete satiation,  of deep fulfillment is not this world, but the next. I mentioned the above scenario of romantic affection to a group of young women recently, and when I was finished I heard this big sigh of ecstasy.
Are there any men who do this? One of my pre-seminary days sweethearts said, "I love it when you touch my face. Do I need to answer that? Tell him goodbye! Affection is very important, especially for a woman. What about people like Joshua Harris,  who decided not to kiss until they married, or Elisabeth Elliot,  whose first kiss came with engagement?
Is one of those perhaps the best way? Well, no. I can understand why they might take that course, since so many things, good things, such as affection, have become sexualized and thus exploitive.
But, I think their approaches are overreactions to our oversexed culture. There is a great need to rehabilitate affection in our world, to restore it to its proper place, to purify it of the sexual connotations people have given it.
Affection when it is pure and noble is a beautiful thing, and helps people to relate well. When a couple puts off kissing, even the innocent sort of kissing I have described above, until marriage or engagement, they may be implicitly conceding that affection is just a milder form of sexual exploitation. What about affection in public?
P-l-l-lease, very little, and only in the right places. Holding hands while taking a walk, kissing goodbye or hello briefly or a hug at the airport, or holding hands at dinner: these things are fine.
These are personal things, which should be done in private. Practicing good manners has primarily to do with making others feel comfortable. When a man and woman can hardly keep their hands off each other in public, it is really discomforting for everyone else. This can be most exasperating in a relationship.
Sometimes this reticence is due to a certain fear of sexual advances in our sex-soaked culture. In either case, I would recommend discussing this with him or her delicately and diplomatically, and explaining the importance of trying to gradually ease into a habit of sharing affection chastely.
This is something that can be learned, but it must be done gradually, without any outside pressure. A third possible reason for being affection-shy is having a psychological block due to a bad experience in the past. In this case, for his or her, understood own good, and that of his future spouse and children, he should consider getting some counseling to get at the root problem. Often such a problem can cause major difficulties with loving fully or trusting.
Getting counseling for this from a good, skilled Christian counselor can work wonders. To be sure, cultural background has a huge impact on the ability to share affection. Generally the Latins, Filipinos, and some Eastern Europeans are quite comfortable about hugging and kissing among family members and friends, and are, I believe, better for it. This does not mean that those who are from other backgrounds should be satisfied with minimal affection.
Many studies show that sharing affection physically is quite therapeutic for the individual, and his spouse, regardless of nationality. Affection: a great aid for mental well-being. And, a great thing in courtship.
The Mega-Hugs Courtship Excerpted from Chapter V, Living a Christian Courtship I have worked with a good number of couples who have struggled with chastity, and after years of little success in helping them reform, I stumbled on an approach that has worked. I asked a couple to try an experiment for a month: to hug for five or ten seconds at a time, and to step back, look at each other, and then to hug again, and then again. They could hug several times in succession, as often as they liked instead of French kissing.
They should only kiss goodnight, tenderly, gently, standing up for less than a minute.
Christian courtship in an oversexed world : a guide for Catholics
Start your review of Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics Write a review Jan 02, Leonardo Oliveira rated it it was amazing This is a lovely book that combines informative assertiveness with moral richness that challenges our culture in a convincing and encouraging way. So many things have been lost along the way in this theme that we need to relearn it, with which this book collaborates effectively. Some say it is too pragmatic and too less spiritual. Actually, it teaches a cultural response - a "counterculture" - that allows for the spiritual development of Christian relationships. Still, this "counterculture" is so This is a lovely book that combines informative assertiveness with moral richness that challenges our culture in a convincing and encouraging way. Still, this "counterculture" is so ambitious and so closely linked to the essence of a spiritual relationship that a meditation on it is more satisfying than from many other "spiritual" books on the subject. This is a very comprehensive book, but its strong points are the criteria and steps of courtship so that it does not result in something hasty and the analysis of the four loves from C.
Christian Courtship in An Oversexed World
Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics